The Magic 8-Ball Story
by DarkWriter00
Summary: A turtle with an attitude, a fast-talking rectangular stone, and a large happy idiot of a carnivorous plant interact with me, the Narrator, over a sarcastic and magical 8-Ball toy. Before that, I feel I must go over some things about these wacky characters… (Rated T for teen for language and some violence.)
1. Back-Story, Part One

DISCLAIMER: I only own my ideas; not the awesome characters, or the games. I'm not even affiliated with Nintendo. I'm not even claiming to be Andrew Raskins, Patrick TeNyenhuis, Steve Button, or any of the others who voiced for the hilarious short web animation series some of you guys may (or may not) remember known as Bowser's Kingdom. This is just for non-profit entertainment. Just for fun.

**I often don't write ridiculous stories like these, by the way. This is something different than the more serious stuff I normally do. It's also sort of based on some recent role-play writing I've done. That would be why it's been a while since I uploaded any stories here at all… I hope reading this general Mario-related parody amuses you anyway, or at least _almost_ as much as it's amused me to write this.**

**Summary: A turtle with an attitude, a fast-talking rectangular rock, and a large happy idiot of a carnivorous plant join in and interact with the Narrator over a sarcastic, magical 8-Ball toy. Before that happens, the Narrator takes time to go over some things about these wacky characters…**

Back-Story, Part One: Introducing the Characters and Their Original World

This isn't your typical kind of story. Nope! Far from it! Looking for two heroic Italian brothers sworn to protect a beautiful blonde princess—and play tennis, race, play golf, and throw epic board game parties in their spare time?

You might as well look _elsewhere_, for this isn't _that_ kind of story. So, if you're not up for plunging into a very different perspective of other characters, then you are free to go.

I'll just wait here for particularly interested reader to come along.

…

Still here? Aha, I _seeeee_! So you _are_ interested to know this strange and wacky tale. Very well then; I'll share it.

Our trio who star in this story—an upright turtle, a big headed carnivorous plant, and a mid-sized stone who defied gravity and had a face-originally came from a world full of floating blocks with question marks that moved along the outside, round and round and round… Water pipes of various colors stuck up out of the ground like inanimate odd metal tree trunks with open round mouths. Lush green hills and other vegetation with small black eyes could be seen here and there. The fluffy clouds had eyes too. (Why _did_ they have eyes at all? For centuries, this has baffled historians and explorers who were bold and brave enough to look into this mystery… To this day, it's remained to be a mystery.)

Anyway, upon jumping under to hit these blocks with your head (durable hat or protective head gear required), there popped up red and white mushrooms that made you ten feet taller after eating them. They were this world's equivalent of steroids that you could get for _free_—if you knew which block had a Super Mushroom. (They probably tasted as nasty as the steroids on our world.)

Their unusual brothers—or maybe cousins—gave you extra lives if you ate those, or _revived the dead_. Not in a zombie-like way though; there was a different mushroom for that.

It would've been smart to for anybody to have One-up Mushrooms at all times, in case anything happened. Yes, definitely more than one! Believe me, just about _anything_ could happen, from unfortunate accidents to direct attacks from a mob of creatures that flew, swam, walked, ran, or cast magic spells. Around and within the Mushroom Kingdom, you didn't get lucky with life insurance agencies. No helpful geckos or ducks that talked were over there either! Nope… Yet, if you applied for a job somewhere, you were likely to receive a great dental plan.

_Moving on_… More of these odd blocks contained gold coins, and bouncy stars in flashing colors that gave you invincibility for about thirty seconds. You couldn't do a _damn thing_ to stop anyone else who wielded the Star Power, until the power wore off and stopped working altogether.

Single fallen maple leaves was another supposedly hidden secret. They either gave you a raccoon suit or a bright yellow cape if you grabbed them—and both were capable of making you fly temporarily. (Flying with no planning ahead of where to land, no doubt, would be among the most dumb-ass decisions ever to make while being in this world—especially _without _One-ups to bring you back.)

Last, but not least, were the Fire Flowers. Their petals and pollen purely of flames flashed red and white. The only parts that weren't alight in little flames and too hot to touch were their green stems. If wielded _correctly_, one could use these to shoot fireballs at his or her foes…or maybe just to help them survive.

The little guys dressed in red, gray, green, blue, pink, or yellow wearing the round masks were often _terrible_ at handling the Fire Flowers. These guys, the Shy Guys, also sounded like the actor Christopher Walken for some weird reason—every single one of them. ("Hey. I'm on fire, and the only way to put me out is _more cowbell_!") Telling them this or asking if they knew of this person from our world would be pointless, unfortunately. They wouldn't know of any Christopher Walken; only those who went by the name of Shy Guy. They'd probably say something about it all being a coincidence.

But those of us who are skeptical, curious, and suspicious about that know better, don't we?

Well, aside from the not-so-smart Shy Guys, other various creatures of different life forms and levels of intelligence existed. Many of them were capable of speech, English being the universal language.

Those who were incapable of speaking had hired translators—or carried devices that spoke or provided text for them. Some of the mean turtle family known as the Koopas, that resided in another castle, far from the one of the Mushroom Kingdom of friendly and sentient mushroom folk as well as the beautiful Princess Peach Toadstool, could only growl or grunt in dialect. (The overall-wearing plumbers, Mario and Luigi, would be another story entirely. They'd be two heroic guys who'd take too long to cover. Besides, didn't I say that this story isn't really about them?)

By now, you might have thought or said,_ But all of this is just silly. None of it really makes sense. What kind of name is Peach Toadstool, anyway, and how the __**hell**__ did these Italian plumber guys find this Mushroom Kingdom?!_

However, as right as you may be, the crazy truth of this world was this; logic and most laws of physics and nature weren't really necessary for this world to exist!

There's also a second truth that applies to this, along with the three I _really should_ start introducing now—for without these guys, this wouldn't be much of a story at all…so let's address that other answer for another time. Maybe, although I can't promise it _will be_, because there's so much other stuff to cover here.

Hal, the upright turtle, wasn't in any way _related_ to the Koopa family. He was just one of several red shelled and green shelled turtle minions known as the Koopa Troopas. Some turtles who acted _gangsta_ first came up with this rhyme scheme name years ago, before Hal was old enough to apply for a position in the ranks. Since then, the name never changed. The leader of the Koopa Troopas, as well as the entire Koopa army—King Bowser—liked it enough, and it wasn't too long or hard to remember. All agreed that "Koopa Trooper" just wasn't as catchy, or memorable.

Hal, however, was never _officially_ part of the Koopa Troopas. He also never got paid to stop in their tracks while King Bowser thought of schemes to capture Princess Peach. (His best friend Jeff the Goomba, a very different kind of sentient mushroom, DID get paid; three coins an hour. Even though Jeff wasn't capable of doing much, other than moving back and forth on his feet, he still got paid. That's what Hal told me, anyway.)

He was one out of a mere handful of Koopa army outcasts that _sucked_ as a minion, but it didn't seem to matter all that much. As long as he was with Jeff, then he wouldn't be doomed to live an utterly miserable, lonely existence. They've been through some _random_ adventures together, and endured many hardships. This unlikely duo eventually had their starring comedic roles in a low profit show titled "Bowser's Kingdom". Hal also mentioned this to me; they were just a couple of guys who liked sharing their adventures and laughter, and strived to live modest lives.

All however wasn't always good on their end of the battlefield. They had to deal with a certain dumb carnivorous plant, Steve the Piranha Plant. AKA, the second of the three I deem as important, and as a main character. Steve's heart was so much larger than his brain, and he was well liked by some—just not by Jeff and Hal. They couldn't stand his constantly friendly, and cheerful presence most of the time. Hearing his voice day after day they believed to be agonizing, and annoying. They both insulted Steve ceaselessly…until Steve decided one day that enough was enough. He spread a clever rumor that they were traitors to Bowser and his kin. For once, he was sneaky, smart, and knew when his keep his big mouth shut when setting them up. He wanted to teach them a _lesson_, for once.

Steve would've gotten away with kidnapping the princess and getting the reward from Bowser if this world's famous Italian plumber pair they continued to lose to hadn't interfered and rescued Peach…_again_…

But that only happened once in his entire lifetime. It wouldn't be likely for this big, dopey plant with razor sharp teeth to come up with a similar scheme…would he? Still, I'd advise against going too far to harass this adorable idiot. He's not _always_ predictable.

Yeah, that's right-I said _adorable_! Despite what Hal and Jeff calling him a retard and someone who sucks as a living being, I've known for a fact that he's been like a really big, excitable puppy, or a big five-year-old kid at heart. He'll probably never get any smarter, or eat live prey, but this Narrator here won't ever stop having a fondness for him.

The third and final guy would be… Yep, you guessed it; the mid-sized stone with the face who's defied the law of gravity. For who knows how long, he's been a part of King Bowser's army, and one more low ranker who never seemed to do a swell job at being a minion. The day has not yet come in which he'd succeed to speed-talk any Italian plumber's ear off, or lure them to stand under him so he would drop and crush them from above. Regardless of this fact, I liked him enough to give him a place in this story. This strange fellow got me laughing as he did a ridiculous and obnoxious rendition of our world's "Star Spangled Banner". He also shared a crazy story about a zombie invasion that happened a long while ago, from his point of view. (The moral of his story, or so I presumed, was to _beware_ of the purple poisonous mushrooms. Consuming them doomed the misfortunate to be walking corpses that hungered and craved live flesh.)

Did he have an actual name? _Not really_, but for many years, he's been known as the Inaudible Thwomp—because a lot of the time he spoke too fast and obnoxiously spewed out nonsense in the middle of what conversations he started. Due to this, many (apart from Steve and myself) didn't like him. Hal and Jeff in particular didn't like standing around him long enough to have their brains melt into _cottage cheese_ in attempts to understand him.

Steve's mind was already damaged, no offense. It was why they've indulged such odd conversations, for the duration of a few hours whenever they happened to see each other. (I never engaged into their conversations, but listening to the both of them go at it for a _little while_ was enough. I didn't want my brain end up as cottage cheese either, thanks.)

The Inaudible Thwomp, as I recall, has also talked gibberish in his sleep. Quite motor mouth he's been, yep, but not often a dull moment has happened the times I've spent having him for company.

One would ask, was this talking square boulder ever able to get a breath in between his run-on sentences? Did he even have actual LUNGS to breathe and speak to begin with?

We may never know why any of these three, as well as the rest of Bowser's army, are capable of human speech—or why and how they even exist.

To this day, I still didn't know how Hal, Steve, and the Inaudible Thwomp happened to disappear from one madhouse of world to reappear in another. _It just happened_.

…

…**I think this actually turned out decent. Perhaps a little better than I thought.**

**What do you think? If I can to make this beginning better, pleeease let me know. Also, any other positive feedback, and questions for reviews would be welcomed and appreciated! **


	2. Back-Story, Part Two

**One of my buddies in roleplay-writing around Livejournal and in general I know had said that I wrote a pretty good intro. Thanks, Dutch! Oh Dutchy-kins, I heart thee. XD I hope my other RP buds get the time to read this too.**

**To Subuku no Jess: I'm glad you liked the start of this, too. Thanks for following and faving. **

**A portion of this next chapter, by the way, is based on the setting at my musebox journal community on LJ.**

* * *

Previously, on The Magic 8-Ball Story…

_A voice who sounds like Christopher Walken is speaking. "Okay, now. Press play!"_

_Somebody sitting near an ancient and dusty cassette tape player in the dark background (who gets paid four gold coins an hour) presses the button. The voice of your host, or Narrator, can be heard from the tape. _

"This isn't your typical kind of story. Nope! Far from it! Looking for two heroic Italian brothers sworn to protect a beautiful blonde princess—and play tennis, race, play golf, and throw epic board game parties in their spare time?

You might as well look _elsewhere_, for this isn't _that_ kind of story. So, if you're not up for plunging into a very different perspective of other char-"

_Christopher Walken—no, a guy's voice that sounds LIKE him—says over the recording, "Okay, you can press the stop button now." (As if they had the time or cash to contact the **actual** Christopher Walken—wait. Why **is** there somebody in the background who sounds like him, anyway? HMM…)_

_Cassette Player Person (CPP) **immediately **presses that stop button. CPP says not a word, for some reason._

"_Wait. Maybe we shouldn't have stopped in the middle of Ms. Narrator's sentence like that. … Oh well, too late now. Fast forward a bit, then press play again."_

_CPP does so._

"-trio who star in this story—an upright turtle, a big headed carnivorous plant, and a mid-sized stone who defied gravity and had a face-originally came from a world full of floating blocks with question marks that moved along the outside, round and round and round…"

"_Stop." The Christopher Walken-like voice sighs. "Perhaps we're just not doing this right. Some of this is going to come out of our wallets to make up for these mistakes, Cassette Player Man."_

"_Um. Actually, I'm a woman," says CPP, even though her voice sounds a little gruff._

"_Oh. I didn't know that. It's too dark in here… Would somebody turn on a light, please?"_

_No one answers, and no lights come on._

"_I think the only light we have is my pen light." CPW shines the little light off a black tape player. A Birdo and a red Shy Guy are revealed in the dim light._

"_Whoa, your mouth. It's bigger than **mine**!"_

"_I don't see your face. Only a mask."_

"… _But this mask **is** my face." Shy Guy says nothing after that. A very brief period of **awkward silence** passes between them before he realizes that they were only talking. "…We should get back to work now. Fast forward a bit, before hitting Play again." _

_Just then, there's a third voice, and footsteps coming their way. This new voice sounds familiar. "Hey, what the hell? Where's the next bit of **rehashing**? We don't have much time left before I cover the other part of the back-story. …Eh? Why is it so dim in here?"_

_Shy Guy flashes the light on the new person who walked in. "Oh, hello Ms. Narrator. Sorry. I guess someone didn't install a light in this back-room. Or maybe the bulb burned out."_

"_We also just had a bit of technical difficulties ma'am," Birdo adds._

_The Narrator is staring at them after Birdo takes the penlight back from Shy Guy. "Waaaaait a minute! How the heck are **you two **in here?" Wherever these two weirdos came from just eludes our Narrator. _

_Shy Guy shrugs. "We were hired to do this."_

_The Narrator quirks an eyebrow at him. She's not any less confused and curious about Shy Guy and Birdo. "Hired by who? Who's your boss? I thought **I** was in charge of everything here." …(Insert Twilight Zone theme.) "Y'know what? Never mind. We're out of time. You two should get going. I've got a back-story to finish."_

_Shy Guy nods. "All right. See you later. Good luck!" He hops down from the stool he's been perched on and exits. Birdo isn't far behind on following him. _

Back-Story, Part Two: Basic Introduction of the Nexus

Just when you thought any other world made much more sense than Mushroom and Koopa World, there existed this other one many people, talking animals aside from Hal, and other creatures called the Nexus. The minority came up with a second name for it; The Space. They sort of believed that it was a dimension that existed in between all other dimensions.

The majority, even the few who have been trapped in this world the longest—for a little over seven years—didn't feel so sure about that, and just called this bizarre place a Nexus, because that's what it was. Every sentient person came from different worlds and time lines. Also, a lot of strange or dangerous things (or both of those things) tended to happen without rhyme or reason. And lately, there's been a war of survival that was specifically going on between the human folk and complex and ferocious cyborgs known as the Amalgams. That's a long, grim and dark story—too long and it would just branch away from the newest of arrivals. It would also make this story a GIANT crossover all of a sudden…and I didn't make any plans for that.

The Nexus used what special powers it had to pluck Hal, Steve, and the Inaudible Thwomp from their world. Yes, _that's right_; even the world itself, or at least in essence, was sentient-but it didn't speak. Why? Well, it either was incapable of speech, or it just didn't want to speak. Other than those theories, not much has been clear about this strange and bizarre reality. There's no face or disembodied voice to be seen. You might think there freakin' OUGHT to be, but no.

A young girl named Amber, however, did know or could predict about what it felt, somewhat. She also saw pieces of the future through visions while sleeping—but any explanation about her would have to be saved for yet another story to come, perhaps…

Recently, I came to know our _main characters_ not long after they first arrived to the Nexus. Hal's been feeling oddly alone, without Jeff by his side. He was used to seeing Jeff every day, and these two buddies were watching each other's backs for the past few years prior to his arrival. Hal, I knew, was going to be stuck in the Nexus for quite some time. It'd probably have to take some major adjusting for him.

Hal had also recently quit working for Bowser, and it wasn't just about getting paid. No; it also had to deal with the whole false accusations of being called a traitor to him and his entire army. Hal's former job had gotten too out of hand and dangerous for him! (Jeff also felt the need to quit for he was deemed a traitor too—no thanks to Steve when he got his revenge on them.)

Inaudible Thwomp didn't know what to think about this predicament, but he didn't seem to mind all that much. … …Didn't he have a _wife_? I believe he told me he had one, but I suppose they didn't love each other very much? He only mentioned her once, after all… (Honestly, I had no idea _anyone_ would want to marry someone who's ridiculous and obnoxious as him. It's a bit of a _shock_.)

Not much more can be said about him; only that I've known he hasn't attempted to drop down on anybody yet. He only ran his mouth and irked some of the Nexus locals so far.

Out of all three, Steve has been the only one who's been thrilled about exploring and meeting as many individuals as possible. The excitable puppy-piranha plant made new friends and liked talking to every pretty flower he saw outside of the relatively small town within Nexusville. They didn't talk back. Not that Steve minded! He just deemed them as good listeners, and did all the talking for them, because he was nice like that.

The mean cyborg drones came out of the large forest once or twice a day to attack the nice human beings Steve made friends with. To him, they were _way_ too mean. It wasn't long until he figured out that he'd sometimes help his friends by lighting these drones on fire, with his flame breath. In being happy to help out, he felt it was nice to be counted on something he was actually _really good at_.

Our former minions of Bowser from then on were determined to be heroes for once. I've yet to notice Hal and the Inaudible Thwomp do heroic deeds…

Will that happen anytime soon? I'd say it's high time to check up on these guys, and see how well they're faring. It's been a little while since the last time I hung out with either of them.

* * *

**Who do you think hired our random guests, Shy Guy and Birdo, to work the tape recorder? I think I have an idea…but I'm curious to know what you guys think! :D Also, don't be shy to leave any feedback and/or suggestions.**

**The actual _story_ part of this story's in progress as I finish this sentence. **


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